Thursday, October 6, 2011

Geek Gear: TieBreaker

According to the write up for this inane item, the number two problem gamers face is a tie game (#1 being Cheeto dust on your fingers). REALLY? Wow. Because here I thought the #2 problem gamers face was pathetic attempts to push worthless, moronic products into an already over-saturated market.

The item is TieBreaker, a product that Ted Alspach proudly affixes his name to. What does TieBreaker do? Well, when your game is all done and it ends in a tie it gives you a method... to break the tie! Seriously. I kid you not. This brainstorm of a product that costs only $12.99 contains more than 50 cards (I'll assume each with a tiebreaker method listed on them) and a giant orange Meeple (Why a giant orange Meeple? I have no idea.)

Let me save you some money and I'll brainstorm a few ways to determine who wins in case of a tie:

  1. Flip a coin
  2. The person that owns the game wins (even if they weren't playing)
  3. Punch one another until somebody loses consciousness
  4. Rock, Paper, Scissors
  5. Play the game again but this time, don't end in a tie
  6. Thumbwrestling
  7. Staring contest
  8. The ugliest player wins (out of pity)
  9. See who can hold their breath the longest
  10. The first person to eat a game piece wins
THERE! I just saved you thirteen bucks! 

Perhaps what is most egregious about this write up is that it says, "There will be a winner, and most likely that winner will be you!" REALLY? No, not really. In fact, if the game has more than two players most likely it WON'T be you. 

If you don't want your game to end in a tie, don't play games that can end in a tie. If you do play games that can end in a tie, don't be surprised when it happens. Just accept it. Only those with the emotional maturity of a eighth grader would need to create an arbitrary, secondary game to determine who really won the first game. Someone like Ted Alspach, apparently.


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