Actium Maximus Ruined My Life

Quick - Name the worst movie ever made! If you didn't say Actium Maximum, you're wrong. But be glad you've never seen this stinker because after you watch it nothing will ever be right again.

I blame my friend Bill. He's the reason why I watched Actium Maximus. No, he didn't tell me to watch it. In fact, he warned me to stay away from it! But he KEPT talking about it and it made me curious. How bad could it be? Now I understand. God help me, I understand. I think I may rename this blog the Actium Maximus Syndrome Diaries to document the trauma that has been done to me by this film. I'm fairly certain that my life will be divided into two timeperiods - BAM and AAM.

I'm not sure I'm capable of describing exactly how bad this film is. Basically, if you wrote down a complete list of the fundamental qualities of cinema, this film has none of them. And I mean NONE. The dialogue is incomprehensible. The plot is gibberish. Special effects are "special" in a whole new way. Shots are out of focus. Even the subtitles (even though it's an English film it still had English subtitles) don't really help because the film is riddled with names that look as if the director/writer/actor Mark Hicks just pounded out random letters on a keyboard. Like this: Fjdhgifnke

So thanks, Actium Maximus, for ruining my life. I'll never be the same again. But I do agree with Bill - no matter what film I see from now on, I'll always be able to say that it was better than Actium Maximus.

I've kinda got you curious to see this movie now, don't it? Resist! Resist! For the love of God, resist! Learn from my mistake! DO NOT SEE THIS FILM!

1LR Review - 1 out of 20! It's a Critical Fumble! (The first 1LR Critical Fumble!)

Marvel Media Mania: Incredible Hulk (1996)

The Incredible Hulk is a 1996 animated television show that originally aired on UPN. It lasted two seasons but the second season was entitled The Incredible Hulk and She-Hulk. This series is part of the larger Marvel Animated Universe which also included in 1990's X-Men, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Avengers, and Silver Surfer cartoons.

The storylines from this series are for the most part almost directly inspired by the comic books. Both seasons featured ongoing storylines from episode to episode but season two is much more episodic than season one. To appear contemporary with the comics of the day the series picks up at a period of time well after Banner had first transformed into the Hulk. This is evidenced by characters constantly referencing previous adventures that are not shown in this series.

All of the classic Hulk characters are here - The Abomination, The Leader, The Hulkbusters, Betty, Talbot, Ross, Rick Jones, Gargoyle, Wendigo, and many, many more. As a part of the Animated Marvel Universe the Hulk often crosses over into other shows and/or has guest appearances from the other shows. The Hulk himself is a semi-intelligent creature in this series, able to utter small phrases that were voiced by Lou Ferrigno himself (ironically talking much more as the Hulk in this series than he ever did on the 70's live action series).

The art, character designs, and animation of the series are very similar to The Incredible Hulk's sister show, Spider-Man (1994). I would describe this style as capable but not spectacular.

It is worth noting that the second season was much more contemporary to the comics of its day, even including the Grey Hulk. The art was drastically improved for the second season and character designs were updated to reflect the characters' appearances in the current comics of the day.

Although the second season is an improvement over the first, the final result is a pretty plain version of the Hulk.

1LR Review - 13 out of 20 - It's a Glancing Hit!

Actium Maximus Is Here!

Hello. My name is Scott and this is my living will. I am about to watch the movie Actium Maximus. This, I do, being of sound mind and body, with the full knowledge that this film is so horrible it may scar me for the rest of my life. Should my psyche shut off my conscious mind to protect myself from the horror, I wish to live out the rest of my vegetative days in a peaceful, serene community of folks who have undergone similar trauma. Thank you.

If I am physically and mentally able to form coherent thoughts after viewing this film I will blog my experiences. God willing, I'll blog them.

Gaming Notes: Robo Rally

The last time I played Robo Rally was ten years ago. At the last Dude Night get together, I had the chance to sit down to play another game.

The game had eight players - four teams of two in the capture-the-flag format. Sam and I were partners, much to his chagrin. We quickly devised a strategy that proved to be our undoing. While all of the other teams jointly went after a single flag together, Sam and I went our separate ways, leading to my bot being tag teamed by Michael and Jarred on an opposing team. Down to a mere three health, my pathetic bot refused to shut down to heal and instead miraculously made his way to a wrench square to heal up.

Ultimately, it didn't do much good because once Jarred and Michael reached our base there was no stopping them. They quickly waltzed back to their home base and won the game. Props goes to to Kevin, however, for managing to remain unscathed the entire time while it was a bloodbath for everyone else.

I can't say Robo Rally is my favorite game. The core mechanic is similar to Wings of War or Great Space Race but in those games is seems you have more control when things don't go as planned. In Robo Rally, once one little thing happens that you didn't anticipate, it's likely lights out for you.

Still, it was a good game and it's a classic that's nice to break out every once in a while.

Geek Gear: DC X-Ray T-Shirts

Sometimes I share geek gear that strikes my funny bone or is interesting in some novel way. But these DC T-shirts are just plain AWESOME. I'm not even a fan of DC heroes and I want to own them all! Why does DC get all the cool swag?

Gaming Notes: Scotland Yard

At the last Dude Night, I broke out the classic Spiel des Jahres Award winning game from the '80's - Scotland Yard.

Being the only one who had previous experience playing the game, I, of course, was Mr. X. The other players all played the detectives that cooperatively were trying to capture me as I secretly moved around the board.

I've got to say that I wasn't thrilled with my initial starting position. I was kind of landlocked in the middle of the board with no quick transportation nearby. I decided to make my way to the upper left hand quadrant.

When I revealed myself the first time I was quickly surrounded. Within two moves I had two detectives immediately on either side of me. A third detective could have moved directly onto my position, ending the game. I lucked out and he went the other way. Whew! I decided to play the same game of taxi-taxi-taxi and I evaded their grasp.

When next I appeared, I quickly used to black tickets from a river route station, throwing them into disarray. They scattered to the four winds trying to cover all possible avenues of escape. I easily eluded them as they ran short on resources. 

For me, it was a happy ending that law enforcement was befuddled and the infamous criminal Mr. X escaped to play the game of cat and mouse again another day!

I'm a Marvel

Do you remember those "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" commercials from a few years ago? Well, they have been wonderfully spoofed on YouTube by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy, drawing on Marvel and DC characters. It is obvious that Marvel is the "Mac" in these spoofercials because the Marvel characters always seem to get the upper hand. There are a whole slew of these so if you like the one below, you should check out more on YouTube.

I love these videos, ItsJustSomeRandomGuy! Keep 'em coming!

Marvel Media Mania: Death of the Incredible Hulk

Death of the Incredible Hulk is the last live-action, made-for-TV film in the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno series, as the name suggests. It was released in 1990.

David Banner is once again using an alias and working at a research facility as a janitor. He's breaking in at night and secretly helping the lead scientist with his genetic research. Eventually he's discovered and, instead of reporting him, the scientist adopts him as a son. They are on the very of curing Banner when Jasmin, an operative working for a spy organization, disrupts the procedure. The doctor is in a coma and Banner proceeds to help thwart the plot by the spies, eventually falling in love with Jasmin. 

Bill Bixby is, as always, top notch in this film. In the beginning of the film, Banner is acting like a dim-witted janitor and Bixby nails it. I actually started wondering if there was something that happened to make Banner meek and feeble. Ferrigno puts in a good final performance as well. The Hulk action is, as always, a highlight of the film.

The bad guys in the film are a little too vaguely defined for my tastes. Kasha, Jasmine, Zed, and Bella (Ashanko) all belong to an organization and prompt one another with things like, "You must do it for the cause for which we all believe!" But the organization or the cause are both not stated, thus leaving the goals of this group undefined. Why do they want the scientist's secrets? There are a few twists that you don't see coming (Jasmin's sister, who you think is held hostage, is actually the leader of the organization and wants to kill her own sister!) but after you stop and think about it, they don't make a whole lot of sense.

Likewise, the character's relationships seem artificially accelerated. Banner is adopted as a son to the scientist and his wife. He also falls in love with Jasmin (including a sex scene uncharacteristic of the series) very quickly. All of this is done to lend emotional weight to the Hulk's eventual death but it seems rushed.

The title itself is a bit grotesque. Anybody tuning in is watching to see the Hulk die. I don't know why they felt it was necessary to put such a definitive (and negative!) ending on the series. Why not let Banner heal himself and live happily ever after if you wanted to put a period at the end? They certainly don't do anything that extraordinary with their final opportunity to use the characters. The movie has the feeling of "just another episode" until the end.

The sequence in which the Hulk dies will live in infamy forever. Of all the ways you could imagine to kill the Hulk, falling from a plane isn't one of them. Watching Ferrigno lying on his back and flailing his oversized arms and legs like a baby as the camera zooms in to simulate falling is just sad. Bixby redeems the scene slightly with his masterfully delivered last line, "I am free." Now that's poetry. 

All in all, the series goes out just like the Hulk himself - with a wimper, not a bang.

1LR Review - 13 out of 20 - It's a Glancing Hit!

Free Comic Book Day 2012!

I know I'm pretty down on the comics industry... there's a lot to be down about, in my opinion. I may be doom and gloom, forecasting a bleak future for the once great American institution. But I do see some rays of hope. One of them in Free Comic Book Day! This is the 10th year for FCBD and the event has only grown and gotten bigger.

I, myself, always make sure I snatch up several hundred comics so I can give them out to kids. After all, they're going to be the future of comics.

I always get excited when I see what companies are releasing. This year doesn't disappoint with Mouse Guard, Peanuts, Bongo, Star Wars, Transformers, Avengers, Diary of a Zombie Kid, Spider-Man, Donald Duck, My Favorite Martian, Tinkerbell/Smurfs, Top Shelf Kids Club, and Animal Planet (to name a few).

 

The Great Debate: How Should Settlers of Catan Be Set Up?

There are few issues that divide people like this one. I think that Hamas and Israel might come to a mutual understanding before these two camps find peace. Who I am I talking about? The folks who believe that Settlers of Catan should be set up like the picture in the rulebook every time and those that think it's okay to randomize everything.

I, myself, fall in the randomization camp although I certainly understand the other position. I would recommend the "standard" setup to beginning players only, however.

This is the "standard" set-up.

One of the great things about Settlers of Catan is that you're able to make the game board different every time. To me, it would be quite boring to play the same board over and over again. If they wanted it to be that way, they'd save themselves the trouble of making all those tiles and numbered discs and just print a standard game board. But they didn't. The hex tiles and numbered discs allow you to make every game unique. A completely randomized game board allows for each game to be completely different.

On the standard set-up, experienced players don't have to think about where to build. They play out the same strategies game after game. The same spots are going to be good starting positions time and time again. Not so with randomization. Randomizing the board makes the players question even their initial placements.

A fan of the standard set-up might say, "But randomizing can create stupid set-ups, such as the desert, 12, and 2 being next to one another or two eights and a six meeting at one intersection." To this, I would say that my experience has proven this to not be a problem. If you've got a "hot spot," the competition in this area will be fierce. These battles for control can often be their own little mini-games with people cutting each other off and building just to block their neighbor. These hot-spots also tend to attract the thief quite a bit as well, limiting their upside. Meanwhile, probability-dead zones allow for other players to expand unhindered, perhaps building a long highway into the wilderness to take the Longest Road.

Another thing that standardization fans might say is, "Randomizing the board doesn't allow for balanced resource creation. All of the high probability numbers might end up on one resource while another isn't generated at all." This is, of course, true, but I don't see this as a negative. When these things happen, it increases the value of ports, encouraging players to build toward the edges of the board. If tons of ore are being produced, then you can bet it'll be a foot race to the ore port. Other players may wish to quickly build on a 3:1 port just so they can get some of a resource that is in short supply. Even in a standard set-up I've usually found this happens anyway because the dice don't perfectly mirror probability. Any experienced Settlers player have regularly seen games when, for example, 8 isn't rolled at all and 4 is rolled twenty times.

So in conclusion, randomization is the way to go when setting up Settlers of Catan. It adds great replayability to the game and poses unique challenges to experienced players.

Marvel Media Mania: Trial of the Incredible Hulk

The Trial of the Incredible Hulk is a 1989 live-action, made-for-TV movie set in the continuity of the Incredible Hulk TV show. Once again, it featured Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno.

This film starts with Banner down and out, again. In some bizarre twist of fate, David Banner is blamed for attacking a girl. An over-the-top Kingpin makes sure the victim fingers Banner to protect his own goons who actually committed the crime. Daredevil then comes to the aid of Banner as his lawyer, blind Matt Murdock. For some reason, The Kingpin thinks if he kills Daredevil all of the crime lords will fall in line under him so he arranges for Daredevil to fall.

This movie is a bit of a mess and not only that but it's incredibly boring.

Let's start with Daredevil. His costume design (a all black jump suit - no horns or DD insignia), while practical, is very dull to look at. The film spends lots of time developing Murdock and his supporting cast (once again floating the concept like in a pilot) but it never seems to get past some really bad jokes about sight and blindness. There are a couple of sequences that show the world in Daredevil's "radar vision" that are pretty neat but beyond that when I see Murdock or Daredevil on screen, I want to yawn. Any real action comes from the Hulk.

The Kingpin is likewise horrible. He fails to be menancing in any way. For some reason, this version of the character is camera obsessed... perhaps because it was a tech fad of the day. He is completely obsessed with Daredevil but you don't see how Daredevil could be a real threat because he's an incompetent buffoon. You end up wondering how The Kingpin ever became a crime lord at all.

The whole concept of Banner being locked up is an interesting one. The sequence with the Hulk breaking out of jail is one of the rare highlights in the movie. The other is actually a dream sequence with Banner transforming into the Hulk right on the stand in court! Seeing the Hulk lift the jury box with Stan Lee in it is a nice treat.

The rest of this film is a slow paced mess. They even messed with the classic Hulk opening sequence!

1LR Review - 9 out of 20 - It's a Miss!

How It Should Have Ended... Funny Videos

There's a geek-funny series of cartoon videos on YouTube called, "How It Should Have Ended." Basically, the name says it all. They take popular movies (particularly those that geeks might be interested in) and give it an alternate ending. They are quick astute and pointing out absurdities in movies and rectifying the situation by providing their own hilarious conclusions. Check out the samples below.

Their website is www.howitshouldhaveended.com or you can find them all over YouTube.

Reporting From The Renew Community Church Game Night

I just got back from the RCC game night. I thought it was a lot of fun! The gentlemen from KGS ran the games Fluxx, Axis and Allies Miniatures, Pass the Pigs, Settlers of Catan, Carcassonne, Ticket to Ride, and Word on the Street.

The turnout was light but everyone had a good time. Many of the non-KGS folks who showed up were novice gamers who were trying the games for the first time ever. Word on the Street seemed to be the most popular game of the evening. Here are some pictures from the event:

Brett shows Cindi, Kevin, Ben, and Anna how to play Ticket to Ride.

Ticket to Ride... Did black block green?

Pass the Pigs... not the best angle.

Chris teaches Christi how to play Word on the Street with Brett and Anna.

The early stages of Carcassonne.

Bryan gives Carcassonne a thumb's up while Sam, Cindi, and Kevin look on.

Jarred was quite proud of his high score in this game of Pass the Pigs.

Sam teaches John, Jan, and Lauren how to play Carcassonne.

Oh, how Carcassonne grew...

Bryan lays out the rules of war in Axis and Allies miniatures for Cindi and Kevin while Ben watches.

Dice! Dice! I must conquer!

Michael and Jarred just HAD to rematch after Jarred beat Michael the first time.

Word on the Street played until all of the letters are used. I guess Michael got his revenge.

This was the first time I myself had played Fluxx and Word on the Street. I thought both were good games and I could see adding either or both of them to my gaming collection.

If you think the people above look like they're having a good time, you can check out Renew Community Church in York, PA at http://renewcc.wordpress.com/.

Comic Store West and Keystone Gaming Society both sponsored this event. You can check them out at www.keystonegamingsociety.com and www.comicstorewest.com. A special thank you to both organizations!

Baby Kal-El Mystery - New Information Presented!

I want to thank captaincelluloid from Superman Homepage for his tip regarding the mysterious identity of the baby Kal-El from the first episode of The Adventures of Superman.

According to him, the rumor is that baby Kal-El was played by none other than Aline Towne's own infant son. Aline Towne, of course, played Lana, Superman's biological Kryptonian mother in the same episode.

Aline Towne played Superman's real mother... could it have been her actual son who played baby Kal-El?

Rest assured, faithful reader, that 1LR is working tirelessly to verify or disprove this claim. We'll report back when we have more information to pass along.

Marvel Media Mania: Incredible Hulk Returns

The Incredible Hulk Returns is a 1988 live-action, made-for-TV movie featuring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno. It was made after the Incredible Hulk television series was cancelled.

In this movie, we pick up with David Banner two years after his last transformation. He is working as a scientist on a Gamma Transponder that can be used to generate energy. Secretly, it also hopes it can cure him. Unfortunately, one of his ex-colleagues, Dr. Donald Blake, seeks him out and accidentially wrecks everything by unleashing Thor. In this movie, Thor is a separate entity from Blake, called forth (and sent back) when Blake holds the hammer and shouts, "ODIN!"

The element that makes this movie different than all of the previous shows is Thor. Thor represents the first true threat that the Hulk has faced in this series as the first superhuman he had to fight. The action sequences between the two are done in the style typical of the rest of the show which makes this meeting of titans seem a bit ho-hum.

Thor himself is fairly well designed. The origin stuck close to the original from the comics. I liked the crypt sequence with Thor being "resurrected." The choice to include magic in a sci-fi show is a bit odd. They altered the costume and went for a more authentic Viking look, which was a good choice. At times, the mortal characters toss around Thor's hammer, Mjonlir, as if it is quite light. Having held a REAL replica Thor hammer I can tell you this is not the case! Thor does seem to be too much of a "prettyboy" for my liking. Still, he does come across as rowdy and brash (the bar scene is later mirrored in the Thor movie). This is certainly not the refined hero from the comics. The Thor character, if successful, would have been launched into his own TV series but he was not.

The plot for the movie is generally pretty weak. The bad guys are trying to steal the massive Gamma Transponder which somehow descends into petty kindnapping. The weakest sequence in the whole movie is the attack on the beach. Thor and the Hulk combined fail to take down a single helicopter. That right there is jump-the-shark material.

Overall, this is a refreshing return to a fan-favorite series but it failure to integrate the Thor character in a believable way or provide a true threat for the heroes weakens the effort.

1LR Review - 13 out of 20 - It's a Glancing Hit!

Geek Gear: Firefly Les Femmes Posters

These posters are a must-own for Firefly fans. The only question is do you have enough wall space to accommodate all ten of these 24" x 12" posters? What I love are how the essence of each character was captured with a unique design but thematically they're all tied together with a similar color scheme and title design. Saffron might be my favorite... what about you?

Gaming Notes: Dominion

Wow, have I been playing a lot of Dominion lately. I got this game for Christmas and I've probably played 40-50 games since then. The replayability on the game is through the roof due to the card-selection mechanic.

The last time I played was with the guys over at Keystone Gaming Society. Sometimes, I wonder why I torture myself in trying to teach them new games. Granted, often experience is the best teacher when it comes to board games, but KGS seems to want to hurry up and get started without fully understanding the game and then complain about how their lack of understanding limited their enjoyment or success.

We played with the beginner setup. My strategy was to buy very few action cards - at the end of the game I only had five. Instead, I purchased silver and gold when I could. By the time KGS realized I was quickly scarfing up victory points, it was too late.

Nobody likes it when the guy who brought the game wins and KGS voiced their displeasure. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I really took it easy on them.

Gaming Notes: Stars Without Number

The fellas at Keystone Gaming Society and I recently created Stars Without Number characters. 

I've got to say - I was impressed with the simplicity of the character creation process.

First, the stats are intimately familiar for anyone who roleplays - they are exactly the same as D&D. 

Secondly, there are only three character classes - the Warrior, Psychic, and Expert. Each of these can then be modified with backgrounds and training packages. So even though Bryan and I both chose Warriors with the same background, our training packages, equipment purchases, and skill specializations made our characters very different from one another.

All told, we had four characters made in about 45 minutes. That's impressive.

I'm intrigued to play the system. If the game players and easily and smoothly as character generation, it'll be a winner. 

Who Was Baby Clark Kent?

As I was watching the first Episode of The Adventures of Superman (1951), I wondered... who played the baby Kal-El? As far as I know, the role went uncredited. But that guy would only be 62 or so right now. I wonder who it was? I wonder what he went on to do with his life? 

I looked on www.imdb.com - The Internet Movie Database. They're exhaustive in the credits they have listed... but still, nothing. I even looked in their listings for the character "Clark Kent" but still... nothing.

Anyone out there with a tip or information that could help me solve this mystery, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm curious as to what the first baby Superman went on to do with his life.

Marvel Media Mania: Incredible Hulk (1982)

The Incredible Hulk is an animated television series from 1982. This series only lasted for 13 episodes.

This series uses all of the classic elements from the Hulk mythos. The Hulk presented is savage and strong, growling, uttering short phrases, and dealing with his problems in a direct, physical way. The origin story is modified slightly but Bruce's relationships with Betty and Rick are straight from the classic Hulk era.

One of the best things about this series is the narration by Stan Lee himself. Stan goes out of his way to keep his signature phrases and style intact for the series.

The animation is capable and somewhat reminiscent of Scooby-Doo. Oddly, when the Hulk transforms back into Bruce Banner his suit goes from being torn to shreds back to being undamaged.

The villains chosen for the series are a bit odd since most of them aren't usually associated with the Hulk. The Puppet Master, Doctor Octopus, Hydra, and Spymaster usually fight the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Captain America, and Iron Man respectively. The Leader and the She-Hulk make appearances to the credit of the show.

While most episodes end by returning to the status quo, some do not. In particular, one episode ends with Banner's identity as the Hulk becoming known by the Army. This is a nice touch that defies the conventions of most cartoons from the era.

The majority of the plots seem a little thin and contrived. For example, one story relies completely on Betty and Bruce being sent to Paris with a secret key for a huge gold shipment that somehow causes them to meet Quasimodo. Huh? All I want to see is Bruce turn into the Hulk and destroy a bunch of stuff!

Overall, this series is held up by a few quality episodes while the rest may leave you scratching your head.

1LR Review - 13 out of 20 - It's a Glancing Hit!