Monday, November 12, 2012

Marvel Media Mania: Fantastic Four (1994)

The unreleased Fantastic Four movie from 1994 is literally a joke. The joke was on the cast and crew who thought they were making a serious movie when, in fact, the studio never intended to release it.
The 1994 Unreleased Fantastic Four Movie
As you might have heard, this movie is anything but fantastic. In fact, dreadful is a more fitting descriptor.

First and foremost, the entire story is horribly boring. The pacing is incredibly slow and there isn't a single genuine character moment in the entire film. The actors seem to want to act but you can actually see them acting which is never good. Not only is the plot a cure for insomnia but it is also needlessly complex. In an attempt to cram in as much stuff from the comics as possible, the story meanders from the character's college years to the rocket launch and finally over half way through the film we finally see the formation of the Fantastic Four. The inclusion of two villains, Dr. Doom and the The Jeweler (a Mole Man rip-off), demands that we spend a lot of time away from our protagonists. While at first this seems like a good thing because the protagonists are all very boring and you don't care about them you quickly learn that the villains are basically generic comic-book villain cardboard stand-ups that are even more boring than the heroes. Somehow, Alicia Masters is shoehorned into the plot as well but I doubt you'll really care or even notice.

Honestly, when I watched this my five year old son watched it as well and he was completely lost. He couldn't tell the difference between Johnny, Reed, Ben, and Victor as well as Sue and Alicia. When the can't tell the difference between Dr. Doom and the Human Torch you know there's a big problem with characterization.

Now, there are a couple of positives to pluck out of this train wreck. First, although the costumes are far worse than those that I've seen at comic book conventions, the looks are directly inspired by the original comic book designs. I've got to give the creators credit for the attempt at least. Close-ups of Dr. Doom's face actually look pretty good when he is totally obscured by shadows. Secondly, the story does attempt to be very true to the comic books. The origin of Dr. Doom, the rocket ship, even the awkward age difference between Sue and Reed all comes directly from the comics. The execution, once again, is clumsy and awkward. But they made the attempt and that counts for something... right?

I can't overstate how awfully, horribly, absolutely bad this film is though. It's like watching a very, very slow and boring car accident that isn't interesting at all. And it's boring. Very, very boring.

1LR REVIEW - 1 out of 20! A Critical Fumble!

No comments:

Post a Comment